Thursday, 27 May 2010

Gosh & Darn it

I HATE male drivers. Come to think of it i also hate female drivers. Driving Katie six miles in the opposite direction of the town to get ready at her friends house for a night out clubbing even though she was already ready (dont ask) I was overtaken whilst approaching a village with a speed limit of 30mph. There were traffic lights turning to red less than 100 metres ahead of us. What was the point? I think the fact I was a female driving an orange Matiz may have had something to do with it. So, we are in one of my most disliked villages in Oxfordshire (that's another story) having just dropped Kate off and tried to withdraw cash from the village ATM which was broken (much like the villagers faces) and trying to navigate my way down a small road only big enough for one car what with the line of cars parked on the right of me. So this big bolshy silver car pulls round the corner wanting to get past me. "I dont think so mister, I have right of way" were my EXACT thoughts. So i slowed down but continued on my merry way. Much to my utter shock he CARRIED ON! The cheek. And also shaking his head at me which lets face it only infuriated me even more. Not giving up (after the first car related incident) I ploughed through and made it! yay go me... But jeezhoo was I mad. I think I've finally reached the point, after nearly three years of driving the novelty has finally worn off. I think I hate it. I think I hate it so much that I am thinking about asking for a hand gun to store in the glove compartmentfor my 21st birthday (which is in a week if youre asking). There's only one thing for it. I will have to win the lottery and pay someone to drive me around everywhere. It is the only option left that will not end in me with a thirty year sentence for murder.


Thursday, 20 May 2010

False Starts & Fake Tan

"Well you can fuck off". The first words spoken to me by a child today. I made no eye contact and did nothing to provoke him. I dont think it was wise for the teacher to announce my arrival to the class by ordering me to sit next to the most notoriously naughty boy in the whole school. I sort of expected his reaction. The whole lesson was a disaster with the whole class wound up to the point of exploding. The worst thing about this is that the class were the most adorable bunch of year sevens when I worked there last. They'd follow me around at break time and hang on my every word. Now all the girls are covered in makeup and are way too cool to acknowledge me. How upsetting! Life goes on...

The little ones are still lovely though, I'm sure it's because they've not been tainted by the appalling English education system. I dont know much but what I do know is its a bloody struggle for these kids. I struggled, so did my sis and a lot of people I know. It breaks my heart to see it still happeneing to lovely kids that deserve better. Its a phase everyone goes through however and has got to be done. Who ever said your school days are the best of your life was not on the same planet as everyone else!

Hopefully tommorrow will improve, but with the temperatures apparently soaring I'm guessing it's going to send the kids and teachers alike bloody mental!

Ciao for now. x

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Gassy Kids & Old Acquaintances

Hi guys and dolls!
Sorry it's taken me so long to get on here, it's been a wee bit busy for me.
I finally finished my assignments and handed those buggers in. I'm now typing to you from glorious Banbury, "as many canals as..." well Banbury.

This blog will now be magically transformed into a daily / nearly daily account of my day but it will sound slightly different. Dear readers I have got myself into a situation. As a student and because of bloody Adele the Dell I am as skint as a racoon living in the pocket of a tramp. This is a problem. I want a tan this year and it sure as hell aint gonna be happening in Banbury (the canal water doesnt stick to you the same as salty sea water)so obviously I need to get closest to the sun as possible. To earn some money to go on my adventures I am back working as a teaching assistant at my old secondary school again! In case you didnt know, this is how I spent my gap year before I decided I was mental and was going to University. Rash decision but glad I made it!

So now this blog will be from me.. Miss Lelli!

I hope you enjoy it, it will only be runnning til the end of July when I finish. I genuinely love this job and I always have lots of different tales to tell from my day which I'm sure you'll find just as amusing as me because.. well.. kids do say the funniest, weirdest and most outlandish things!

Right now my head is thumping but tommorrow will be my first instalment from the school..

Good night and sweet dreams from Miss (in the LEAST creepiest way)x

Monday, 10 May 2010

World Domination & Fat Fish


I'm finally on my way to finishing my assignments wheeey! It's just the writing critique now where I have to justify why I wrote my autobiography the way I did.. hmm should be interesting seeing as I just. Did. It! Maybe when I'm a famous writer and die, people will analyse my writing so they can tell me (in the beyond) why I wrote what I wrote because I sure dont have the foggiest!

I've also pulled my proverbial finger out of my proverbial arse and got a little something published on Spaghetti Junction Magazine's blog look my name is on it and everything.:)I will also be writing for the actual magazine after the summer hols so watch this space! I am excited although a little annoyed at myself for me taking two years to gain enough confidence to do it! Better late than never... I am one step closer to being Dawn Porter!

Not much more news really... One of Chris' fish is getting pretty beefy, I will have to keep an eye on him or it will be killed with kindness!

Ciao for now!

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Haircuts & Runny noses

Good evening lovlies!

Here I am sat in front of a programme about three autistic brothers with a runny nose and coughy throat. YUM! Wish I had the contraption the lady is flaunting in the <-----picture. Every time I have a cold I dream about a similar gadget. hmph. I will look on Amazon to see if they're on sale yet.

Had a haircut yesterday. It was an enjoyable experience apart from the girls fingers stank of fags. It was pretty distracting and although my nose is totally blocked I could still smell it strongely. Ewww not impressed.She did a good job in all fairness though. Trying to grow my hair at the moment but because of constant dying I had to get the split ends chopped off so it looked healthier. I want Dawn Porters hair. I love her and would like to be her please. I even put rollers in my fringe like her. Sigh.

Not feeling fabulous but thank goodness I have got an extension on my work due to the Germany palava. Still got a week to do one essay so it should all be dandy. Im going to get Gen's hot water bottle and snuggle up and take mental notes on this autistic programme for when I start back as a teaching assistant in a week. I also take mental notes for when I have children, I do this with super nanny also so I will be the best Mum EVER! (Weird I know...) ANYWAY my coughing is driving me nuts so better go before my whole screen is covered in spit...


Sunday, 2 May 2010

Thin as Water & Cutting Ties

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Family eh? Just when you think everything is just dandy something always pops up to poop on your parade. The love of a mother for her child is meant to be unconditional. Understandable since she chose to have the child right? But is the love from the child to it’s mother/father unconditional? You didn't ask to be born did you? What have you got to be thankful for? Why are parental relationships so complicated? I wish they could just stay the same as when you're a toddler. You scream the house down because you want to wear your navy corduroy dress every day with the red, yellow and green button (yes, okay that was me) and your mum decides whether you can or not. Simple hey? Realising you parents are only human is probably one of the weirdest moments in life. I think kids that have had parents divorce at a young age may have seen this earlier on? For me, this realisation came rather late! But if one of your parents hurts you in anyway, one of the most distressing ways not giving a flying toss about you, do you have a  right to disconnect yourself guilt  free from them?  If their love is unconditional. they will surely come crawling back at some point? If your love is conditional, it is purely by chance that you maybe haven't given up completely on them yet… I think maybe some parents need to realise that the love from their children is very fragile, and if they keep hurting them, until respect is lost completely, and the child manages to live a happy life without feeling an ounce of regret or guilt, they will  lose them forever.

Saturday, 1 May 2010

Family fun and Phone protectors


Hey there handsome! happen you to see the new Old Spice advertisement? I owe this discovery to a course mate for showing us. have a watch… Now, is that NOT hilarious? we-hate-skype I love everything about it, it’s just so funny and who ever thought that one up in the office deserves a good ass kissing from the boss! If they succeed in making Old Spice popular within the modern man sphere I will be very surprised. we all know how powerful adverts can be though, so watch out for the spicy scent of old pensioner from here on in! Don't say I didn't  warn you…

Just been having a skype conversation with Ma and Katie. Much joviality was had by all. There’s something weird about a video convo with two people your so used to seeing the the flesh! I bought two of the same phone cases from Ebay (don't get me started on frigging Ebay, I’ve had it with those guys!) and wanted to give the spare to Kate. i held it up to the camera to which she straight away said “What a friggin eye sore” so I guess I will be having a spare case until some one is as dumb as me to take it off of my hands. I wont lie to you, it’s pretty gross. but it does the job hey!

I like to do this thing on Skype where I pretend the screen has frozen but actually I’m just staying REALLY still. It’s funny, you should try it!


God I’m tired, been to Peacocks today and everything so feeling pretty bushed! Night night world :) x