Closing doors & Opening new ones

Yesterday I finally found closure in something that has been bugging me. Yes it hurts but I feel so much better this morning about it. Today is a new day.
I am going to spend the whole day writing my essay and possibly tweaking my short story for assessment. It's always the way. I worry too much about the essay that I hardly put any effort into my short stories which is a shame. I'm going to try and juggle both. The fact that I'm enjoying the research for this essay is a good sign at least!
Christmas is coming up and I've never felt so stressed in my life. I think when youve got a boyfriend or girlfriend the stress seems to double. Now you have to see two lots of people and squeeze the visits into the short christmas break you have. Now I have three weeks off over chrsitmas. A 4000 essay to write. A short story to create. My sister's birthday. My boyfriends family and of coursemy own family to fir it. I dont resent seeing my own family at all. I love them and would spend a month there quite happilly. Its just the thought of organising it all that makes my stomach ache and sink. Along with this I agreed to work three days which totally messed up the plans to see the inlaws oops. Why is it sucha big fat mess for one bloody day of the year? I just want to see my family, go home and stuff my face. It should be so simple! I never wanted to be part of the masses who get stressed over the festive season but it seems compulsary!
Must get on and create a masterpiece. I will post my short story up here when it's done.
Love and festive smiles!xx

She wore blue velvet...

I'm always saying "oh I'm not into films" to people whenever they ask me what films I like. I find it incredibly boring to be in someones company and spend the time silent watching a movie or an entire series of a tv programme. However I've recently discovered that i AM into films. just not new ones. Ive got a major obsession spawning at the moment for David Lynch. I've only seen Blue Velvet and Lost Highway but man are they worth a watch. That man is crazy. I need to dig out more of his stuff. I'm even writing my mahooosive essay on him.
We've been watching a few oldies in Film studies class recently and granted - ive not enjoyed them all. In fact i HATE mellodrama but Lynch... now he is a director I can get on with. along with Hitchcock who needs no explaining there.
I am happy to have discovered a love for at least SOME films in the world. I cannot abide new releases but still have a little thing for horror films - old or new.
Its got to be a quick post, I'm off to an accoustic session at the Yard Bird for a few drinks and a Sunday night chill.

Over and out.

It seems like the dark days are over. Now I dont want to come over a little emo on you but I think after what was possibly the hardest year of my life I've finally come through. I feel good. In fact I feel more than good, I feel bloody brilliant.
I'm going to start reading again and writing again (this included) I feel like I've got my passion for life back. Hell, I've even got a job. I didnt think I'd be up to working again after I stormed out of my last one because the stuff with my dad made me burst into tears evey 5 minutes. Now I'm no expert but I dont think employers like that!
I've been thinking a lot about things, and have realised a few bits about myself. I wish I could apologise to so many people for acting like a total dick(even as far back as school), and what probably came across as very irrational. Now my dad is out of my life at the moment things have become clearer and I realise that he put a few things in my head which I'm trying to clear out now. I think the best decision I made was to move to Birmingham for university. But even then he had a hold on me. And the rest of my family. Only when he gets the help he needs for his head will I ever consider seeing him again. It's sad and I'm aware all of this probably doesnt make sense but I got the urge to write and that is what this blog is for.
So for now, I just needed to confirm to myself that I am truely happy. My mother is the most amazing, strong person, and me an my wee sis are closer than we've ever been.
I've met some great people up here, hopefully friends I will have for a long time, and one amazing boyfriend who for the two years we have been together has brought me out of my shell, opened my eyes and made me feel alive. So I will be forever grateful to him, and his patience with me! I know we're going to have an amazing future.

Now thats all out I will continue soon with updates, fiction and general daily observations!
Lots of happy vibes xxx

A true reflection?

A short story written for class. Hope you enjoy!

A true reflection?
The hot smell of human bodies hit me on the quiet train. How odd for it to have smelled so pungent when my carriage was half empty. The smell implied a bustle before my arrival. It lingered and with it the sense of hysteria only present on overcrowded public transport and the war for a seat. Taking a place quite comfortably next to the window I heaved a sigh as the floor heaters started to warm and relax my ankles. They kneaded the frozen fingerprints of the lashing rain outside. I wiggled my toes and embraced heat lapping at the sore calluses in my cheap mules outworn a long time ago, even raising and arching my foot so every inch could be embraced. I admired the shoes opposite mine. So close for a stranger’s foot to be. Too comfortable in its place next to mine. I became aware of my obvious pleasure from the electric heaters and a flush hit my face. The shoes teased mine; they were a beautiful deep red with a gold buckle winking at me. The huge black heel rose up to a delicate ankle. They had a personality of their own in the grey carriage. I drew my eyes up to meet the knees which settled a few inches from mine. The two pairs rocked back and forth with momentum. They were by no means dainty. Clothed in black hosiery of a low denier, a few hairs were visible which broke through the knit. The carriage jerked and our knees knocked together, her black tights pushed against my worn denim. I’m sure I felt her push harder than the trains movement had warranted. I snapped my head up to apologise. Not sure if I would be speaking of the knock or the way I had stared.
My eyes lay on her face, my mouth open ready to announce but it dried in an instant. Her face matched mine, teasing like the shoes that grounded her. She let me stare, taking her in piece by piece. She was my reflection and I admired her closely. She had the single wiry hair that jutted from the left eyebrow. Stupidly missed this morning from a rushed pluck. Her manicured hands with acrylic nails woven together bared the resemblance of mine, grown up yet had not lost their childish softness.
I wanted to touch her; I couldn’t quite believe the image in front of me. I needed to hold her. As if feeling my pleas her eyes invited me to her body. She said nothing. Her smudged red lipstick made no attempt to verbalise. With my hand I simply rested the tips of my fingers on her forearm. Her body temperature mimicked mine and the soft downy hairs felt familiar. She was an airbrushed me, a beautiful me. At first glance she appeared beautiful. As I looked harder I could see the layer of paint which had sunk into the wrinkles, trying to conceal them. A few fresh red scars on her neck were revealed by her loosened silk scarf. I moved my hand up and the sensation of nausea hit me as my hands lay upon her upper arm. Sat on the edge of my seat, her scent filled me. Too heavily musky and floral. With a sickly sweet undertone.
I had been so accepting of this figure but it was too unreal. I wanted her away but I also wanted to take her in, ask her to live for me. The reality of what was happening hit me and the heat around my ankles now felt too hot. Its sticky fingers grabbed me, a thumb dug deep not permitting any movement. I had to look at her. Is this what I could be? I yearned for her but simultaneously wanted to run. I was now twisting my ankles writhing away from the hot hands, it hurt but I needed to escape. One ankle bid to freedom and the other one with it soon after. I stood up, tore my eyes away and ran to the safety of the carriage toilet. It was only now I realised all other passengers had departed. We were alone.
I threw myself inside the safety of the hot tin box. The musty smell of chemical toilet rose bile in my throat and I emptied in into the basin. Splashing my face with the warm water I didn’t care that my stomach contents were mixing with it and running through my fingers. I let the water run down my face onto the old white t-shirt and joined the stains that held their place presently. I reached into my dirty pocket and found the business card reading “Sam’s Girls” with the black silhouette of a naked woman prominent in the foreground. The temptation to call the number now sickened me and I flushed it away and watched the train suck it into the dark hole. Claustrophobia overwhelmed me and I had to leave the safety of my hideaway.
I opened the door and air felt surprisingly refreshing. I looked down to where I had been sat. Empty. She had gone. I went over, the seat was still warm. Resting on the head of the chair was a most unusual butterfly. It looked like it had been sewn from black silk with the appliqué of red rose petals for decoration. It bared gold flecks and stretched its wings towards me. The train arrived at my destination. I had to forget her. I pressed the cool steel button to depart and the butterfly followed, rose through the door with me and towards the sun until it was no longer visible.

Eat it up!

Sipping fancy cocktails and listening to the enchanting voice of Eliza Little as she sings about JLS at the charming Island Bar is just what the doctor ordered on a rainy Thursday night. Chilling out on a squishy sofa with mates along with fantastic music at a reasonable price is what Eat it up Presents is all about. Ant, Amy and Josh set the group up themselves with the ambition of bringing great bands and artists together in appealing venues around Birmingham. Sometimes it is easy to get drawn into the fun bright lights of the city and spend your nights at the same night clubs with the same playlists every week. But, if you want a change it is difficult to know what else is out there however Eat it Up provides the perfect nugget to fill this gap.
Not sticking to a particular genre, the gig I attended was a quiet acoustic night but the guys tell me they have put on lively rock nights and buzzing indie gigs too with lots more planned for the coming year to look forward to. Ant has his own personal aims within the group and says “I like the thought of sharing music gems I’ve found and really enjoyed with everyone else.” Amy agrees “I’m not into nightclubs, the only place I’ve found in Birmingham to cater to my tastes is the O2 academy, but we want to showcase other acts and provide a great night.” And I can honestly say I had a fabulous night. I went on my own to meet the guys and was welcomed into a friendly atmosphere and saw some great artists. One that stood out in particular was Tom George who hushed the whole room into a silence and performed with no microphone creating an atmosphere that prickled... until the barman dropped a glass...
There’s a lot more on this small team’s agenda for the year ahead and I think you’d be missing out if you didn’t check out their goings on. It sounds like they’re plotting and planning some really good nights. The gig I attended was declared as their most successful yet, and it can only get better from here.
You can join their facebook page and keep tabs on their whereabouts and where they will be holding their next gigs. There are rumours of the Victoria and the Island Bar again, which if you haven’t been there already I highly recommend for yummy concoctions and live music events. Plus cocktails are half price before 8pm on weekdays so what are you waiting for? Get your student butts down there and enjoy!

facebook.com/eatituppromotions

Greetings & Hola

Well I guess I have had a summer break from this bad boy as well as everything else. I wanted to use my three months off to totally chill and I think it has been achieved! I have just got back from visiting Spain. We stayed in Calella and also saw Barcelona for the day. It was a great break, no chavs and not too many old people. Come to think of it, hardly any English people which I think made the week fabulous. Nothing worse than hearing Terry and Sheila arguing over a mojito. It's all happening guys, I am off to Scotland with Chris for eight nights. I am on the edge of my seat! Four nights in Edinburgh, then four in a wee place called Perth, which is the perfect location to explore the beautiful countryside and dalwhinnie, where all the best whisky is made! I'm so excited, always wanted to go up to the land of the Scots. My mum is from Aberdeen and I cant believe I've not been up that way before. Everything is grand in boo-land at the moment so I'm very happy. Written a few bits for Spaghetti Junction, should be applying for my PGCE very soon and generally feeling fabulous.
Will now keep this up to date as I am out of my summer cocoon!

So long, fair well... aufweidersehn goodbyeeeeee!

xx

Migranes and Mumpyness

Tommorrow is Mootie's birthday yay! Mother dearest deserves the best and I hope we've got her the lovliest things she can imagine!

Feeling like a poo poo platter this evening. Managed to get a cold (probably from the local leisure centre's manky sauna) and just not feeling particularly good. Remind me to never work in a pub EVER. Both my boyfriend and sister have/are experiencing this and they treat you like utter crap. Like I said in my previous blog. Work should be simple. I want to know when I finish and I want two days off to chill. End of.

cougharama.

GotmyLush goodies yesterday, I am yet to try the cleanser but I'm excited at the thought! Got a foot scrub which dyed my fingers green which was interesting. This post is wearing thin already, I ca sense it. I will write proper reviews of these products when I've used them all and can type coherently and non-depressingly.
I also want to start on shopping reviews of beauty products. I'm bored with just witty anecdotes of my day. I'll either keep this up or start a new one with a different theme!
Over and out x

Yummy Smells & Scrubbing Softly

Well what a loverly day. I've been making spelling cards to help a wee girl sound out words that shes struggles with and it was more fun than I thought it was! How sad am I? But overall lovely classes and I cant wait to get into teaching. I've never been majorly ambitious. Sure I'd love to travel amd see things but work-wise I want it to be simple, helping people and with lots of holidays! Makes sense! Plus it looks like lots of fun besides all the paper work everyone keeps telling me about.

I just spend £20 on Lush's website. I dont know what came over me I dont usually buy these things online but I really cant be arsed to get to Oxford to get to my nearest shop. Problem solved and squeaky clean skin promised!

I'm getting mother's old Raliegh shopper out later, still not managed to find my dream bike for a reasonable price baaaah :( I'll let you know how my bike hunt goes! I'd love to have a cycling holiday on the Isle of Wight soon so I want to invest in a pretty bike with a basket! (see previous blogs and pictures for my obsession with finding my dream Dutch bike:)

Ta for now!x

Cheesecake & Broken Wrists

Why does school bring out the worst in people? I'm sure whoever invented schools didn't picture a building of pure frustration and mayhem when he (I'll assume it was a 'he')layed the first brick.

I cringe when I think back to things I did and said at school. If i saw myself now as a child at secondary school, doing the job I do now I would probably refer myself for counselling. I must have had issues, I was rude and have a sharp memory of throwing an apple in a girl's eye. No, I didnt like her much, but I couldnt be adult about it and ignore her, I had to throw an apple in her eye. Stil dont like her to this day but I feel awful for doing that! Not quite sure why but my apple throwing arm was possessed!

There are kids now that I've seen lovely sides of and also their worst. It depends on the lesson they are in, surely this is wrong? How are there still teachers that wind a class up and lead the noisy ones into trouble? This affects their whole life and I'm not sure school is treated as seriously as it should be. It shaped me in many ways, with my temper, and my ability to completely cut people out of my life to never think about them again. I dont just say it I can do it with ease. Or should I say I COULD do it with ease.

Due to recent changes in the family and university etc I've changed my outlook on life a lot. I give people a chance, I dont think everything si out to get me and that everyone is 99% asshole. thats just a bad attitude. I feel I have shed my bad attitude and feel alot lighter for it. School, I know influenced my bad bits a lot and I can really see it as I go back there every day and see bits of myself in kids that I work with. Scary stuff but its good for the soul.

That's all folks, bit deep for a Tuesday night hey? Maybe its because I turned 21 on Thursday... God I hate Tuesdays, its just a funny old day!

Bye for now lovers!

xx

Gosh & Darn it

I HATE male drivers. Come to think of it i also hate female drivers. Driving Katie six miles in the opposite direction of the town to get ready at her friends house for a night out clubbing even though she was already ready (dont ask) I was overtaken whilst approaching a village with a speed limit of 30mph. There were traffic lights turning to red less than 100 metres ahead of us. What was the point? I think the fact I was a female driving an orange Matiz may have had something to do with it. So, we are in one of my most disliked villages in Oxfordshire (that's another story) having just dropped Kate off and tried to withdraw cash from the village ATM which was broken (much like the villagers faces) and trying to navigate my way down a small road only big enough for one car what with the line of cars parked on the right of me. So this big bolshy silver car pulls round the corner wanting to get past me. "I dont think so mister, I have right of way" were my EXACT thoughts. So i slowed down but continued on my merry way. Much to my utter shock he CARRIED ON! The cheek. And also shaking his head at me which lets face it only infuriated me even more. Not giving up (after the first car related incident) I ploughed through and made it! yay go me... But jeezhoo was I mad. I think I've finally reached the point, after nearly three years of driving the novelty has finally worn off. I think I hate it. I think I hate it so much that I am thinking about asking for a hand gun to store in the glove compartmentfor my 21st birthday (which is in a week if youre asking). There's only one thing for it. I will have to win the lottery and pay someone to drive me around everywhere. It is the only option left that will not end in me with a thirty year sentence for murder.

x

False Starts & Fake Tan

"Well you can fuck off". The first words spoken to me by a child today. I made no eye contact and did nothing to provoke him. I dont think it was wise for the teacher to announce my arrival to the class by ordering me to sit next to the most notoriously naughty boy in the whole school. I sort of expected his reaction. The whole lesson was a disaster with the whole class wound up to the point of exploding. The worst thing about this is that the class were the most adorable bunch of year sevens when I worked there last. They'd follow me around at break time and hang on my every word. Now all the girls are covered in makeup and are way too cool to acknowledge me. How upsetting! Life goes on...

The little ones are still lovely though, I'm sure it's because they've not been tainted by the appalling English education system. I dont know much but what I do know is its a bloody struggle for these kids. I struggled, so did my sis and a lot of people I know. It breaks my heart to see it still happeneing to lovely kids that deserve better. Its a phase everyone goes through however and has got to be done. Who ever said your school days are the best of your life was not on the same planet as everyone else!

Hopefully tommorrow will improve, but with the temperatures apparently soaring I'm guessing it's going to send the kids and teachers alike bloody mental!

Ciao for now. x

Gassy Kids & Old Acquaintances

Hi guys and dolls!
Sorry it's taken me so long to get on here, it's been a wee bit busy for me.
I finally finished my assignments and handed those buggers in. I'm now typing to you from glorious Banbury, "as many canals as..." well Banbury.

This blog will now be magically transformed into a daily / nearly daily account of my day but it will sound slightly different. Dear readers I have got myself into a situation. As a student and because of bloody Adele the Dell I am as skint as a racoon living in the pocket of a tramp. This is a problem. I want a tan this year and it sure as hell aint gonna be happening in Banbury (the canal water doesnt stick to you the same as salty sea water)so obviously I need to get closest to the sun as possible. To earn some money to go on my adventures I am back working as a teaching assistant at my old secondary school again! In case you didnt know, this is how I spent my gap year before I decided I was mental and was going to University. Rash decision but glad I made it!

So now this blog will be from me.. Miss Lelli!

I hope you enjoy it, it will only be runnning til the end of July when I finish. I genuinely love this job and I always have lots of different tales to tell from my day which I'm sure you'll find just as amusing as me because.. well.. kids do say the funniest, weirdest and most outlandish things!

Right now my head is thumping but tommorrow will be my first instalment from the school..

Good night and sweet dreams from Miss (in the LEAST creepiest way)x

World Domination & Fat Fish

Afternoon!

I'm finally on my way to finishing my assignments wheeey! It's just the writing critique now where I have to justify why I wrote my autobiography the way I did.. hmm should be interesting seeing as I just. Did. It! Maybe when I'm a famous writer and die, people will analyse my writing so they can tell me (in the beyond) why I wrote what I wrote because I sure dont have the foggiest!

I've also pulled my proverbial finger out of my proverbial arse and got a little something published on Spaghetti Junction Magazine's blog look my name is on it and everything.:)I will also be writing for the actual magazine after the summer hols so watch this space! I am excited although a little annoyed at myself for me taking two years to gain enough confidence to do it! Better late than never... I am one step closer to being Dawn Porter!

Not much more news really... One of Chris' fish is getting pretty beefy, I will have to keep an eye on him or it will be killed with kindness!

Ciao for now!

Haircuts & Runny noses

Good evening lovlies!

Here I am sat in front of a programme about three autistic brothers with a runny nose and coughy throat. YUM! Wish I had the contraption the lady is flaunting in the <-----picture. Every time I have a cold I dream about a similar gadget. hmph. I will look on Amazon to see if they're on sale yet.

Had a haircut yesterday. It was an enjoyable experience apart from the girls fingers stank of fags. It was pretty distracting and although my nose is totally blocked I could still smell it strongely. Ewww not impressed.She did a good job in all fairness though. Trying to grow my hair at the moment but because of constant dying I had to get the split ends chopped off so it looked healthier. I want Dawn Porters hair. I love her and would like to be her please. I even put rollers in my fringe like her. Sigh.

Not feeling fabulous but thank goodness I have got an extension on my work due to the Germany palava. Still got a week to do one essay so it should all be dandy. Im going to get Gen's hot water bottle and snuggle up and take mental notes on this autistic programme for when I start back as a teaching assistant in a week. I also take mental notes for when I have children, I do this with super nanny also so I will be the best Mum EVER! (Weird I know...) ANYWAY my coughing is driving me nuts so better go before my whole screen is covered in spit...

Night!

Thin as Water & Cutting Ties

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.


Family eh? Just when you think everything is just dandy something always pops up to poop on your parade. The love of a mother for her child is meant to be unconditional. Understandable since she chose to have the child right? But is the love from the child to it’s mother/father unconditional? You didn't ask to be born did you? What have you got to be thankful for? Why are parental relationships so complicated? I wish they could just stay the same as when you're a toddler. You scream the house down because you want to wear your navy corduroy dress every day with the red, yellow and green button (yes, okay that was me) and your mum decides whether you can or not. Simple hey? Realising you parents are only human is probably one of the weirdest moments in life. I think kids that have had parents divorce at a young age may have seen this earlier on? For me, this realisation came rather late! But if one of your parents hurts you in anyway, one of the most distressing ways not giving a flying toss about you, do you have a  right to disconnect yourself guilt  free from them?  If their love is unconditional. they will surely come crawling back at some point? If your love is conditional, it is purely by chance that you maybe haven't given up completely on them yet… I think maybe some parents need to realise that the love from their children is very fragile, and if they keep hurting them, until respect is lost completely, and the child manages to live a happy life without feeling an ounce of regret or guilt, they will  lose them forever.

Family fun and Phone protectors

 

Hey there handsome! happen you to see the new Old Spice advertisement? I owe this discovery to a course mate for showing us. have a watch… Now, is that NOT hilarious? I love everything about it, it’s just so funny and who ever thought that one up in the office deserves a good ass kissing from the boss! If they succeed in making Old Spice popular within the modern man sphere I will be very surprised. we all know how powerful adverts can be though, so watch out for the spicy scent of old pensioner from here on in! Don't say I didn't  warn you…

Just been having a skype conversation with Ma and Katie. Much joviality was had by all. There’s something weird about a video convo with two people your so used to seeing the the flesh! I bought two of the same phone cases from Ebay (don't get me started on frigging Ebay, I’ve had it with those guys!) and wanted to give the spare to Kate. i held it up to the camera to which she straight away said “What a friggin eye sore” so I guess I will be having a spare case until some one is as dumb as me to take it off of my hands. I wont lie to you, it’s pretty gross. but it does the job hey!

I like to do this thing on Skype where I pretend the screen has frozen but actually I’m just staying REALLY still. It’s funny, you should try it!

 

God I’m tired, been to Peacocks today and everything so feeling pretty bushed! Night night world :) x

Greetings from Adele!

Hi again just discovered a blog writing programme on here! It spell checks and everything : I love my laptop. she is called Adele :)

 

Night night x

Positive thinking & Empty purses

Good evening voyeuristic readers of Blogdom.
I hope you’re sat down for this unbelievable news... i am typing this message to you from the comfort of my bed... yes. That’s right I have FINALLY bought a lap top! DUN DUNDDUUUUN! This may seem like a speck in the ocean of technology and I’m sure i am the odd one out here. It is a rather big deal for me though. I arrived at university on my first day and was branded a hippy because the only electrical item i bought with me was my radio. Looking back, i suppose it was rather strange seeing as everyone had TVs and lap tops and some even computer consoles. I have gradually built up my collection of technology and today made that final leap into Laptop Kingdom. And daym don’t it feel good! I feel like a proper student and all that. Weirdly its easier to write and I’m going to be one of those annoying people that takes their laptop to Pret and looks longingly at it googling French poetry and the like. I will keep you posted with computer related mishaps of which there are bound to be many. Oh. Did i mention it is also cherry red? B.E.A.Utiful! so now I have a new phone and computer and I can actually link them up and my phone doubles as an MP3 player (something which i didn’t own before also) so looks like I’m sorted for the foreseeable future! Better get these keys burning, it’s just me and the fish tonight so a perfect opportunity to do work a plenty!

Peace out technogeeks 

Fish Food and Celeb Spotting

Hello world!
Well been back in the UK now for four days and I haven’t touched my assignments yet... oops! Just been way to busy with birthdays and things! We now have a very large fish tank in our room. I thought it’d be the perfect present for Chris, which it is, but the tank is a massive 30 litre Biorb! We’ve got four little fish settling in at the moment and they’re very cute. It’s nice to have a bit of life in the room anyway, I miss having a pet here.
I finally succumbed to buying a new mobile phone today. I’d been using my housemate’s old one after the phone smashing incident previously mentioned and its finally given up and keeps telling me the wrong dates and deleting my messages naughty phone! So I ended up forking out fifty five quid on a LG cookie phone. It’s purple and rather snazzy if I do say so myself... I’ve spent this afternoon playing with it and discovering what all the buttons do. It’s flipping confusing but I have worked out how to send texts and take photos which is a proud moment!
Last night my dreams came true. Me, Gen and Kirsten trekked to Laaaandaan to see the fabulous Shooting Stars filmed. The audience tickets are free and it was so worth the little trip. We basically had a free lesson in laughing. Never have a felt so weird laughing... the guy came on to warm us up (not us three personally or physically) but to warm up the crowd. He had us practising laughing. We had a belly laugh, titter and a chortle. Very strange indeed. Especially sitting in the middle of the front row, I felt rather exposed!
Watching the actual show in action though was just great. I was overwhelmed at seeing Simon King one of the Hairy Bikers in real life. He is so funny and it was difficult to resist temptation to jump over the barrier and give him a big hearty hug. He was on Ulrika Johnson’s team and my goodness is she looking haggard, the old bat. She ambled out, probably a size 4 (UK) if that and made a huge show of pulling her jeans up which we falling off of her scrawny frame. Blurgh, it was a sight for sore eyes. All she did was sit pulling idiotic faces all night and having the piss ripped out of her by Vic and Bob. Which I enjoyed immensely obviously. Jack Dee was also there, very short little grumpy man. It was great but it exposed how unglamorous showbiz is. It’s a long process and the set so cheap and wobbly. Its helping me gets over my tendency to get star struck to easily by seeing more famous people. A couple of years ago I got star struck at seeing Patricia Amos in town. She was the first woman to be imprisoned for not sending her kids to school.

On that note BYE!

Baskets of flowers & Birthday wishes

God, how lazy am I with this bloggy blog?? VERY. Terribly sorry, I returned from Deutschland over a week late. I won’t lie to you, I wasn’t that gutted about it. If I’m honest, countries like Germany and Holland have never been at the top of my wish list. I’m not a complete philistine; I was interested, but not completely overwhelmed like a kid going to Disneyland (which I can only imagine as I was never taken to Disneyland... child neglect!) I am happy to say I was more than pleasantly surprised, I absolutely adore Germany (and Holland). We stayed with Mike and Linda (Chris’ Brother and sister in law) right on the boarders of Belgium, Holland and Germany which gave us easy access to all three. Fabulous I say! Germany is dead chilled, and with a bakery on ever corner, what’s not to like? Only downfall was spending our planned budget completely in the week we were there. Then when we got stranded we had to withdraw money and eat all of the cakes we’d bought because they’d go all skanky... that’s how we convinced ourselves to eat them all anyway...
I have a new mission in life. I want a bike. With a basket. In the basket will always be newly picked flowers and a freshly baked loaf of bread. I will ride my bike around the cities of Holland all day long pleasuring people with my waft of bread as I float by, my long skirt falling and flowing behind me as I ride past with a look of nostalgic, Enid Blyton contentment on my fresh, rosy face. Ahem. One day...
I have come back fresh faced and feeling positive. It was a lovely long break, a getaway from Birmingham which can sometimes be stifling. Mike and Linda are just lovely and I am happy to have gained new friends. Although across that teeny strip of water we will hopefully see a lot more of them.

My last little story from my journey afar will be one of my favourite things from the entire trip. We went to Cologne to get our flight. It was at seven so we put our cases in lockers at the airport (before we knew about the cancellations) and explored the city. Now it is the bridge across the river Rhine which I am so in awe about. It is a huuuuge bridge and is built with a sort of mesh wire running about shoulder high the entire length of the bridge. Attached to the mesh are hundreds and hundreds of padlocks and ribbons where friends and lovers, husbands and wives have secured an engraved padlock to the bridge with their names and declarations of affection and adoration are literally locked forever to the great structure. It was quite a sight and one of my favourite moments. Not wanting to be left out (but not having a spare padlock to hand) Chris and I tied a pink ribbon to the bridge. I love the romance and randomness of it all. Just love it!

I’ll leave you with that for now, I have many tales but I feel I must catch up on sleep. It is Chris’ 21st birthday tomorrow. He is planning on getting up at 6.30 am and I’m still knackered from travelling (the Eurostar, which by the way is amazingly efficient you MUST try it!) so I feel that bedtime is nigh.

Goodnight!

Gingerbread towns and Printen

Here I am in sunny Aachen, Germany. Our journey nearly killed me. We left at 3 am on Saturday morning after Chris' little sister's 18th birthday party. They're dead lucky and have some garages and barns at the end of their huge garden which each of them over years got to use for parties and such things. Knowing I am a complete baby if I don't get at least twelve hours sleep I chose to have a quick fifteen minute nap instead of showering before we left. Good for me, bad for Mike, Linda and Chris who had to smell me! Journey was pretty quick and we made a couple of stops. Once in belgium where I ate a yummy waffle and saw a white wedding and also at the Flanders Fields memorial grounds. It was so lovely and warm but now it seems the weather has turned and Lin expects snow! Tel me it isn't so! I will die if it snows. Snow is the enemy...

Visited Monchau yesterday which is definitely up there with my favourite places IN THE WORLD! It is a tiny town not touched by the war at all. It is nestled in a valley and is absolutely ADORABLE. I cannot stress this enough! We went to a tiny mustard shop which is what the town is famous for and bought two pots and a bunny shaped bottle of eggnog-ish liqueur for myself. YUMZERS!

Tragedy has struck.. I am in Aachen without a hair dyer. Naturally I must find a funky hat to cover up my mess of a head. I will make it my mission to find one!

It's bloody freezing and being English I saw the first wink of sunshine and decided Spring had sprung so packed no jumpers. Luckily I bought my big purple coat so it's okay! Looking forward to today, we will be leaving soon for Holland so I will say Aufweidersehn and goodbye for now!
xx

Grandads and Easter Bunnies

Bet you thought I'd overdosed on corned beef and pickle sandwichs eh? I've come close, I wont lie to you. I'm home at the moment for the Easter holidays. Three weeks off for Easter. It's great to be home with my Mum and Katie for a while before I jet set it to Aachen. So I'm spending one week here (today is my last day) a couple of days in Uckfield with Chris' family and then this Saturday we will begin the drive to Germany. I've been informed that we will be stopping off at Flanders Fields and Bruges (WHERE IN BRUGES WAS FILMED DUUUH) and guess which one I'm more excited about? Seeing the place where In Bruges was filmed... obviously. This is the one occasion I will allow the word philistine to be bandied around okay?
Anyway I am rather excited because I've not been out of the country since a college holiday to Majorca, and lets face it. That was NOT my cultural awakening.

So... Hmmm... This week. This week Chris and I visited the spanking new Ashmoleum museum in Oxford. I tend to drift off in museums but I like this one because the building is nice to look at. I saw an old piggy bank from the Iron ages or something and learnt that apparently pigs are a sign of wealth and prosperity and that is why we have piggy banks. I'm a fountain of knowledge I am. So we had Falafel for lunch (very exotic) and had a browse of the market. If you get the chance to visit Oxford go on a Thursday or Saturday when the market is on. Its all dream catchers and second hand furniture and coats etc (you get the jist) and I hearts it I do. You always find something unusual. I once bought there two creepy looking dolls just for the hell of it. They were only two quid so I thought why not? They still watch me sleep at night and guard my room whilst I am away....

I've also visited my Granddad which is always pure entertainment. Didn’t get to speak to him much as he was chewing a toffee for the duration of our visit and insisted we have one too. Don’t know where he flipping found those toffees but I don’t think they've been approved by the health and safety laws. So we had a little chat and spent twenty minutes listening to each other slurp and smack our lips together pulling each filling out one by one. Now don’t you tell me the Scots don’t know how to have a good time...?

And so I will be travelling down to Uckfield near Brighton tomorrow. I was informed that the sign reading 'Uckfield' had to be trimmed before the 'U" because silly youths insisted on putting an F right in front of the name. I shall have to have a look-see tomorrow. It’s juvenile but funny. Probably the kids only form of entertainment in that town and they took it away.
Hope you are enjoying the Easter break if you are lucky enough to have it. I better crack on with some work. Unfortunately I cant do any of my proper essay work because clever me saved my work in the wrong format and now I cant open it at home so im just planning and things until I get back to Birmingham. As I have stated in previous blogs, me + technology = disaster.
Hope the Easter bunny bought you a little egg. He bought me a yummy Thornton’s one but Douglas my boarder collie, nightmare, poofter of a dog decided he wanted it. What a waste, he only threw it up the next day in the back yard. Little pig; I’m still not talking to him. He’s got some making up to do.
Hopefully I will blog back soon of my many adventures in sausage land. (Aachen, not Brighton) and will have many a tale to tell!
Ciao x

Yardbirds & Busy Bees

I flipping love corned beef and pickle sandwiches. Gross I know but I loves 'em!
Sorry to be so terrible at keep this darned thing up to date. One has been a bee of the busy variety this week doing assignments and all sorts. Got good news though, I should hopefully be writing for BCU uni magazine Spaghetti Junction next year! Yay! In the meantime I am writing for their blog and I'm thinking about doing an article on the Yardbird jazz club in Birmingham as one of the city's "Hidden Gems". What do you reckon? Going their tomorrow night for Zoe's birthday so it will help refresh my memory! I love it there, it's so relaxed and has a good vibe about it. Good people and good music.

I'll keep it short. I am going home on Sunday to Baaaanbury for the easter holidays although a week later I'll be trekking it down to Uckfield to Chris' place and then driving to Aachen, Germany with him, his brother and sister in law. A road trip will be a nice change. I've not been out of the country for years , it should be refeshing. Hopefully my passport will be sent to me in time too... uh oh... what are the chances hmm?

Anyway, I'm going to go catch the end of Rudetube and hopefully see more 25 stone ladies sit on sadassed men for money! Ahhh modern technology!

Ciao for now!

xx

On a Roll...

Quick update for you hoes!
I'm currently working on drafts of my autobiography. I have three ideas in mind and because the word limit is only 3000 words I cannot fit my whole life into such a small bracket! If you could have a sneeky peek at my three ideas I'd really appreciate it and maybe comment on which one you think is a winner? It's really hard to look at your own life objectively.

1 - A diary of our family as we moved house (10 times in fact if you count my two uni houses)It will track how our family changed and will give you an insight into my family and houses as well as just me.

2 - Diary of a teaching assistant. This will be a piece on my year of working with the special kids at the Warriner School. Bloody loved this job. It will be more funny and anecdotes about the kids will be included.

3 - A piece on this year starting with the summer when everything went a bit tits up to be honest with you. Starting with my Dad moving out and leaving us. I then lost my house in Birmingham and moved in with my boyfriend. Everything with me is good now, but the parental situation has not sorted itself out. I'm not even sure where on earth my dad is. Because I'm still confused I'm not sure if it is a good idea to write about this. Is it too depressing? Should I leave it out of my autobiography all together? I cannot beleive I have to write this now at such a pivitol moment in my life which is still in motion.

Help! Your comments would be so muchly appreciated! I'm sure you guys also writing this for class are finding it a bit difficult. At least I hope you are so I don't feel so rotton!

Thanks you! There is a picture above of me enjoying the giant pork pie from Walsall previously discussed. Gosh it was YUMZERS!

Night night x

Scruffy Buns and Pork Pies

What a beautiful day. It’s a shame I’ve only just had a shower and missed the best part of the sun! It’s been an eventful weekend, but not in a dramatic or bad way. We’ve just done lots and it has felt like longer than two days of relaxing. Friday night we went to the cinema which is something I’ve not done for ages. Mostly because as I scan the listings nothing ever takes my fancy. And just like buses, you wait ages for one and four come at once. There were four films I would have liked to see but we settled on the latest Martin Scorsese film starring Leonardo Dicaprio. It was a winner. From the trailer it looked like your average mental-hospital horror film and I felt like I could guess the plot. I was thrilled though when it turned out to be more of a fast-paced thriller with twists and turns and a bunch of good characters. It is much like Secret Window with Johnny Depp but as it was set in the early fifties, this film swings it for me because the costumes were fabulous and it all felt very glamorous, even the female nurses looked like stars! Good night.
Saturday day time we were in an adventurous mood, and not wanting to face the swarming crowds of Birmingham city centre on a Saturday afternoon we took the bus in the opposite direction and headed north for Walsall. We both had preconceptions of what it would be like because of things we’d heard. But as we arrived in the humid spring drizzle, we were both pleasantly surprised. It reminded me of Banbury with the canals and pedestrianised main roads. It was nice to see a local market in full swing too and Chris got roped into buying a giant pork pie. I knew he secretly wanted it; it was like carrying a small child around in a plastic bag all afternoon. (Which is not advised although you’d think it was according to recent investigations of rocketing numbers child neglect cases in Brum...). We came back from our travels with shampoo and conditioner from Poundland, and a giant pork pie. Quite a successful day, I think you’ll agree!

Saturday night Chris was doing live sound for a "charity" gig. You may notice my use of the word charity. I assumed it would be Sports Relief or helping poor countries get clean water (which doesn’t even interest me a huge amount if I’m being honest) but imagine my confusion when I found out that my £3 ticket was in fact a contribution towards a small, rosy cheeked, scruffy-bunned* girl’s travelling for the summer. Now let me explain because this makes me sound bitter and rather tight. We were at a pub in Selly Oak which is well known as a housing area for BCU but mainly the University of Birmingham students (boo hiss) and judging from the look of most of the students last night, I’m sure mummy and daddy could have paid for her travelling expenses. I just don’t like the idea of these brats not working to save up for their holiday. I know its only three quid but it’s the principal!
So here we are, Sunday morning. Chris had one pint too many which resulted in a rather gross head-down-toilet situation last night and so I think it’s going to be a lazy one today! Enjoy your Sunday! Ciao for now!

*Scruffy bun – also see ‘hoity toity’. A hair style which only posh horsey girls wear. It looks very thrown together at the last minute but has in fact taken A LOT of careful trussing and spritzing to acquire the scruffy look which is so sought after. Scruffy buns are everywhere. Once an Oxford tradition, it seems they have taken over small villages and even some market towns. These girls should be approached with caution. And preferably wearing jodhpurs and with a riding crop....





PS. Please have a look at Vievagen's art blog. The link is on the right hand side. Her artwork is fabulous and well worth a look at. Give her your support! Thank you

x

quickie

Trying to do work. But you know no matter how hard you try it just isn't going to happen? That's where Hobnobs come in. Chocolate covered. Obviously! So only a quick post to say I LOVE HOBNOBS and I have dyed my hair purple. Rather like it.

Hope you are all having a productive day like me! Now I MUST run to the corner shop before I die!

x

mammaaaa... oooh ooooh oohhhh

It’s been lovely today. My Mum and Kate came up to Birmingham to celebrate the fact that our mother is such a fabulous, beautiful person. I gave her a wind chime for the garden (to piss our snobby neighbours off) and Bee Movie (to piss Kate off). Only joking. Well half. Chortle. Kate and I also treated Mother dearest to a massage. It was her first one and she loved it. It made her all sleepy which was hilarious and her head was too big for the hole in the table (sorry Mum). Whilst waiting for her to finish we sat up in Prêt on New Street which is my favourite peering spot. I sat up there for four hours once just watching people go by attempting to read. I only bought one cup of £1.20 tea which I think annoyed the staff a bit but what can you do? Anyway today a sight so unusual was seen that I believe it made me laugh and choke on my Earl Grey. A dog in a pram. I wish I was joking. This (grown up might I add) couple (obviously infertile) had a little red pram with a tiny fluffy corgi type dog sat in it. I’m not sure if they know that this is unacceptable behaviour but judging by their nonchalance at passers by sniggering I’m guessing that they really didn’t care. Oh people.
Mum was naughty today and treated me to this little wee handbag I’ve had my eye on for weeks in TK Maxx. You may be familiar with the rules of this shop: there are no rules. It’s like a bargain bucket. Sometimes they only have one of something and you have to use your greasy little fingers to grab at the juicy find. And I did grab today. I love it; it’s a little orange leather bag with a corsage on the front. I’m not really selling it to you am I? Anyway I LOVE it. We stuffed our faces at Around the World in 80 Dishes on Broad St. A buffet is always a winner with me. Unlimited food you say? I’m there. For a tenner at lunchtime you can try and kill yourself with food consumption. Some buffets are manky but because it’s unlimited you feel the need to keep eating the undercooked potatoes and sticky noodles, but not here. You have to choose VERY carefully about what you choose to eat. It’s a very mathematical procedure combining your hunger levels, stomach capacity and the time it takes your stomach to realise you’re full (twenty minutes for anyone who cares). You DO NOT fill up on unnecessary starters such as bread. You must decide whether you really want the lasagne. That is a lot of filling carbs. If you must, take a small slice and eat it quickly. The curry is a great dish but can make you feel bloated; this must be saved until last. This method can be tailored to your specific needs and will ensure you succeed in getting your money’s worth and you can try a bit of everything.
Do visit sometime you wont be disappointed! (No I don’t work there; I just genuinely love this place.)
Hope you have had a relaxing evening and you’re ready for the week ahead!
Bye bye!

The Notebook

Along with my penchant for smellies it appears I also have another weakness: notebooks. I bought another one yesterday; it’s all silky and has butterflies on it. It’s even got its own ribbon book mark with a little metal butterfly so you can keep your page handy. It’s lovely! I keep buying notebooks but not because I run out of space in the old ones, oh no. It’s just because they’re nice and pretty. I’ve got THE most beautiful notebook sat on my desk. It was a present from Chris to encourage me to write more. He is so supportive. It was made in India with sequins and silk with lovely glossy thick paper. This too is practically blank. I always find the first pages in a notebook the hardest to write. I feel pressure for it to be a masterpiece. In order to break this trend today I simply wrote my shopping list on the first page of my new notebook. Now I feel I can jot and scribble as much as I please without feeling a disappointment as I realise what I have written is rubbish. It’s never rubbish, it’s just notes! Ahhh the relief, I am so glad I did it!
On another note, I have finished Belle De Jour. How is it that when reading for pleasure (a hobby I’ve have almost forgotten as an English degree student) I can finish a book within a week? But when I am requested by a lecturer to finish a book in two weeks I can’t. It is impossible! Sometimes I find myself actually enjoying the books on my reading list. But can I finish them? Not on your nelly. In case you were wondering I highly recommend little Belle (not to you Mum). It’s pure filth and it feel like you’re reading someone’s diary and you get to hear all of her gossip, which I suppose you are. It’s funny, insightful and highly voyeuristic. Who knows, maybe my blog will be published and turned into an ITV drama series. I’m hoping they’d find someone a little less ridged to play me, unlike Billie Piper who was chosen as Belle. Perhaps Scarlett Johansson? Wishful thinking, I guess Jo Brand would be more apt.
Must get some sleep, I have ordered my mother and wee sis to arrive early to Birmingham tomorrow so we can get a full day of mother-daughter loveliness in!

Goodnight! x

Blurgh

Well today was a weird day. Grey weather and grey moods. It could because I drank a lot of cider last night and I’m tired but I just am not feeling myself today. I had such a fun day yesterday belly dancing and chilling down the pub but today is just grey. I’m sat in an empty house eating something which cannot be named. Not because it’s naughty but because I’ve managed to make something that doesn’t resemble any thing I’ve ever eaten before. I took chopped pork, onion and chick peas whacked them all together and voila! It started out as a casserole but got too thick. So I tried to turn it into a curry but the sauce sunk into the chick peas or something and now its like pork and chick peas all stuck together in a lump which is a little too salty and weirdly spicy. I’ve literally just spilt it everywhere too trying to jab at a piece of rubbery pork. Yum, wish you were here? Well on the up side it’s the weekend now. I’m really looking forward to mother’s day and chilling out on the Sunday with me ma and Katie. That is always nice. I’ve got a surprise for her too, but unfortunately cannot divulge that information because the little minx reads this blog! (Hi Mum!)
I wish ye all a fun weekend, and don’t forget to send your Mum a card because it might just make her day. (Unless she’s a cow in which case don’t bother...)

Bye for now ! x

Sun shine, lollipops...

So I saw a man in a pair of wooden yellow clogs today. In Birmingham. And I’m sure he wasn’t wearing them ironically. He was also wearing THE most disgusting fleece I have ever set eyes on. (See picture)After such a gross lunch I could feel the bile rising in my stomach and my eyes started to ache. He wasn’t homeless or ‘special’ so it’s not like I’m taking the piss out of some poor blind, mentally ill homeless guy who has nothing but a pair of yellow clogs to his name. He was also holding a big scary black dog on a leash which added to this bizarre image. The fact that they were actually made of wood just heightened my curiosity. It was pretty much a chicken-run situation. I wanted to get close enough to check that yes, in fact the clogs were made of wood, but without being mauled to death by his huge pet. I think maybe being a ‘dog person’ helped and I managed to get near to this strange bloke long enough to confirm my suspicions.
Apart from that incident, today has been a most fabulous, if not totally freezing day. I went to town with my fabulous thirties friend (she’s not in her thirties, she likes the thirties era....) for a shop around town and came across the cutest little accessories shop in a hidden away place in the centre. Now in Brum, it’s really hard to find unique things to wear at a reasonable price. Added to the fact that there was this little place stuffed to the ceiling with cheapish unique accessories was the shop assistant. The cutest little Chinese woman EVER invented. I do love the Chinese I have a weak spot for them and I would like one for Christmas. I met a girl recently and we exchanged numbers to hang out some time, but imagine my disappointment when I found out she was actually Indonesian. Will I ever find my Chinese friend? Anyways, this lady was SO unbelievably happy. She chatted to us for ages about nonsense and when ‘Walking on Sunshine’ came on in the store she started bopping along and telling us how happy this song made her. Just when we thought she had beaten the previous record for displays of human happiness... Any who I bought a lovely creamy headband with a corsage on for 3quid for anyone that cares!
Today has been a lovely, girly, vanillary day and the sun has just decided to poke its weary head out as if he feels likes he’s missed out on the fun. Don’t worry sun, there is plenty left for tomorrow!

Bye bye sunshines x

secret diary of a lunatic

I am such a girl. I realised this when I just got in and flung my giant bar of caramel Galaxy on top of my new Belle de Jour books (I bought both). After catching a snippet of ‘Secret Diary of Call Girl’ on ITV the other night I fancied them as a bit of light evening reading despite Billie Piper’s hideous face and voice ruining the programme for me. Anyway I’ll see how long it takes for them to collect dust and mouse droppings. I’d give it a few weeks.
Yesterday I downloaded the i-tunes software (not because I have an i-pod or anything of the sort; I just wanted to listen to the free radio stations on my tooter). Little did I know that they would ALL be American radio stations. They’re absolutely hilarious. Who thought you could have a whole station dedicated to banjos? There is also a 24 hour Britney station which is just well, fantastic news if you like Britney and her more shall we say, obscure songs. I swear to God I listened to a few songs in a row (What? I don’t need to justify myself to you...) and I didn’t recognise one song! Gutted. No hitting her baby one more time, no pieces of her. The jingles in between the songs made up for my disappointment. Oh dear god, they are brilliant! They go on for about 4 minutes just repeating the radio station name about twenty times in different styles. I particularly liked the one incorporating a banjo. Such an underrated instrument.
I hope you appreciate this blog, it has taken me twenty minutes to log into my account. Piece of crap computer (I refuse to get a laptop) is obviously messing with my head again. “Oh it’s Becky, lets pretend she never signed up to Google mail just for a laugh” well Mr Computer, the joke is on you when you’re crying at the rubbish tip with unwanted washing machines and old bicycles. I hate hate HATE technology and I think it’s mutual. I know it’s such an elderly, eating-Rich-Tea-biscuits-thing to say but I’ve tried everything, digital camera, matching printer, the newest mobile phones and mp3 players and they are SO boring. I don’t want to listen to music whilst I’m walking somewhere or on the bus, I want to hear what’s going on around me. I find it weird that people have their little bubble of music as if it separates them from the outside world. Well I do understand it, its just I’m too nosy for all that. When I did have an mp3 player, I only had one earphone in so I could still hear people’s conversations because I hate missing out on gossip! Anyway I broke that by plugging it in the wrong hole in the computer or something. I never used my camera or printer. I’m not one for getting in people’s faces to take pics and show facebook what a fabulous time I had at the same nightclub I go to every weekend because if they matter, I will tell them how good it was. Or they were there. Now, phones... I broke my last one by throwing it at a wall (that’s another story) so now I have my housemate’s old one with three missing buttons and a broken camera. It’s pink though so not all is lost.
NO WORD OF A LIE; my computer just made a crazy alarm sound like I broke into the safe at NatWest and said I have a virus. Talk about bad timing, I bet it’s seen what I wrote about the rubbish tip.... I better go before I burst a vein or something.

Ta for now cyberettes!

Oh Bligey Blige

The sun is shining, I've had a cheese and pickle sandwich and I’m listening to my favourite Mary J Blige. What more could I want? I'm actually enjoying my assignment! This is the golden nugget in my coal mine of a life. Christ, what a terrible metaphor! I didn't think I'd ever enjoy academic writing. And I think that's the difference, it aint academic folks! I'm writing a biography on Marian Keyes <3 who I absolutely love. Not only does she write some of most engaging, hilarious literature for women (and men who are inclined that way, lets not discriminate Becky...) but she is also a long term sufferer of alcoholism and bi-polar depression. Poor little Irish imp! It seems that most writers are a bit nutty (in the nicest possible way). Maybe it's something about being the kind of person that can sit at a computer in a dark room for days writing that means you've got to be a bit loopy lou to cope in those conditions. I'd love to be a writer but I feel like I'm not interesting enough! I've not had a 'traumatic childhood incident' or an eating disorder, alcoholism or depression. Well I know I’m just shy of 21 so there is always time I suppose! In fact I'm kind of waiting for something to happen which turns me into the introvert, scholarly, interesting type I yearn to be. Mind you, no one likes those kinds of people do they? How on earth do they sell books when all they do is drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and look interesting in Starbucks with their shiny new edition of a novel translated from a very French ‘Avant Garde’ writer? I know people love to act academic but inside their copy of the Independent is this month’s latest instalment of Cosmopolitan. Or is that just me?

Maybe it's a rumour. I think maybe people think that writers have to be pretentious and into the silliest things, but i know a couple of writers and they are anything but. They're some of the lovliest people I've met and so down to earth. They must be, otherwise no one would like them, then no one would buy their books surely? I've come to the conclusion that it is only 'wannabe writers' who behave in such an irritating manner and that the people out there writing and selling the kind of book I enjoy are normal people with their feet firmly planted onto Earth.

I don’t see anything wrong with not being into ‘high art’ or the latest trend. If you genuinely enjoy it then of course, that is okay (just). But why pretend you’re so into cool old rock bands when really you go home and listen to Rhianna and the Dreamgirls soundtrack (again, probably just me). I went through that phase at school. I nodded along at how cool bands were and went to silly little gigs and pretended to enjoy the noise raping my ear drums with a cactus but when I went home, all I wanted was Christina Aguilera! After leaving school, being honest about my tastes was a lot easier. Now, as an adult, people’s cute little quirks like loving David Attenborough’s documentaries and being into Neil Diamond is acceptable and sweet. It’s almost gone crazy and the other extreme with people, they try to be interesting by being into ‘unusual’ things. But I’m really not going to pretend enjoy Attenborough or show an overenthusiastic love for post war jazz because it makes me look quirky.

Cliché as it is, you’ve just got to do what you like and be who you are. I get annoyed because I float through life pretty carelessly not really analysing myself too much and just doing ‘what I feel’. I’m pretty happy so if you find yourself pretending or laughing along with a knob as they talk about the obvious humour behind the latest film about Hitler ‘Gosh it’s just so post-modern, pre humanistic ironically hilarious don’t you think?!” There’s nothing wrong with not getting it. In fact there’s nowt wrong with not laughing. It might be funnier if you didn’t!
Not quite sure how I ended up giving a lecture of how to live your life. How peculiar. Well don’t listen to me, I’m currently listening Dizzy Rascal in a tea-stained hoodie whilst picking my toe nails what the hell do I know??!
Ciao Bellas!

purse strings & vouchers...

An article in a glossy magazine yesterday struck a chord with me. 23 year old Tina is a reformed shopping addict. She ended up with 10 credit and store cards, maxed them all out and ended up owing £50,000. That is a lot of dough... It's scary how readily available 'monopoly' money is these days. If you can’t afford something you can just get it bought on plastic until the card melts under the pressure.
I think it’s down to how our identity is formed in our current society. It seems to be a consumer-driven world and it is down to the style and cost of things that you consume which defines you. Why do you think kids refuse to take a Tesco’s carrier bag to school carrying their P.E kit because it’s embarrassing? It is important where you buy your sofa, which beauty products you use, the car you drive. I know this has always been an issue even fifty years ago because it defined your wealth and class, but now it seems to shape everyone and every part of a person. And now, everybody can have a slice of that bulging pie of greedy hogginess.
I hasten to add that I don’t exclude myself from this ‘mass analysis’. I love spending money. I could literally feel the adrenaline pumping through my hungry veins the day my bursary went into my bank account. My brain scrambled thinking of what I could buy after months of being a wee bit on the poor side. The university had given me £500, I could rule the world! So I bought soaps. As you may have figured out from previous blogging action, I love soaps! I didn’t overdo it though; there was a sale in boots on my favourite range. One third off! How can a girl resist? I also had a £5 voucher for the No* 7 range so obviously that was burning a hole in my pocket so it went towards a beautiful new moisturiser. I’m aware that in my last blog which spoke about my uncontrollable urge to buy smelly things that I stated I had gotten over my obsession. I’m obviously in denial (as an addictions counsellor would tell me through her patronising glare). But you know what, I don’t care. Yes it does worry me that I can identify with what young Tina was saying in her report and I knew what she meant when she spoke about counting down the minutes after work so she could run to the shops and buy something and the feeling of emptiness as she walked home with no shopping bags. I feel the same. The only difference is, is that I don’t feel like I want to sign up for credit cards and spend all of that imaginary money. She was buying Gucci cocktail dresses (although she had no fancy parties to go to) and shoes which cost up to £500. This, I would never do as a girl who loves nothing more than flaunting her student discount card in Peacocks on a Saturday afternoon for a 20% discount on clothes that are already cheap enough. Maybe I have a small-scale addiction, but it is something I feel is under control and after all, I do use the things I buy. Unlike Tina who never touched her glamorous purchases. Does it sound like I’m trying to convince you or myself here?
Anyway on that note, I’m off to scrub and spritz myself because I can because I have a cabinet full of new shiny bottles!

Ta for now!

Disco balls and money down the drain.

Saturday night I went back to Banbury, my home town for a friend's birthday. Since having a baby some months ago, she has found out who her real friends are. No one turned up from our old college gang apart from me. It was us two and her friend from across the road, Ange who turned out to be very nice indeed! We decided to take ourselves back to when we were seventeen and used to sneak past the big fat bouncers into the only night-club in the town. We always had a blast. We literally went out to dance. We didn't over do the alcohol (sorry to disappoint) we genuinely loved the music and would be dancing from half eight until three in the morning. Us two had the most fun and I look back with fond memories. Saturday night however didn't turn out like our nights four years ago. In fact it ended at 12:00 midnight. No, Tara didn't turn into a pumpkin, she was exhausted. Who knew it; apparently having babies makes you sleepy! Speaking of babies, that sums up the clientele at the night club. Never have I felt so old. I know people reading this who are older than me probably want to kick me right now but I felt ancient! It was full of kids aged about 15 (which wasn't good as this probably meant I would bump into a few ex-year 11 kids I used to be a teaching assistant for on my gap year) So we scarpered! If I'm honest I'd have preferred to stay in with some drinks and watched a couple of films. I'm not sure when I turned into this granny but I don't like it!

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Below is a link to an article I'd like you to peek at. If, like me it made your head explode in a flurry of rage LETS START A REVOLUTION! Daymn us students aint what they used to be! I feel as if I cannot believe my eyes. 450% more university lecturers are taking home six figure salaries? They are setting up a gold-plated pension scheme? And this is why our tuition fees are astronomical? I'm frigging seething. I can't be the only one who thinks that I could be getting a better deal out of uni surely? I'm in for SEVEN hours a week. I can't bloody believe it. I know a lot of hours should be self-study time but really? SEVEN? Maybe it's BCU but I don't feel like university is making me into a fabulous scholar fit to quote Shakespeare and Keats at dinner parties. I like it sure, but it isn't worth the three grand a year in my opinion. To add insult to injury, one of my lecturers is leaving in March. Leaving us without lectures and with a nice juicy essay to complete ourselves. How's that for motivation? Oh, but don't worry, she's leaving her email account open so we can ask questions. BECAUSE THAT'S THE SAME AS TEACHING ISN'T IT? I'm not blaming her; why haven’t the university managed to find a replacement? What exactly am I paying for? Am I entitled to a refund???? I thought degrees were important. That’s why I flipping want one; I want to go through life waving my piece of paper around so it makes finding a decent job a tiny bit easier. But damn is it going to sting because it seems like at the moment I am paying for a very, very expensive £9000 certificate. That writing better be gold plated, or do they just save that for the pensions?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254138/Surge-lecturers-100-000-plus-Number-rises-450-student-places-cut.html