Friday, 26 March 2010

Yardbirds & Busy Bees

I flipping love corned beef and pickle sandwiches. Gross I know but I loves 'em!
Sorry to be so terrible at keep this darned thing up to date. One has been a bee of the busy variety this week doing assignments and all sorts. Got good news though, I should hopefully be writing for BCU uni magazine Spaghetti Junction next year! Yay! In the meantime I am writing for their blog and I'm thinking about doing an article on the Yardbird jazz club in Birmingham as one of the city's "Hidden Gems". What do you reckon? Going their tomorrow night for Zoe's birthday so it will help refresh my memory! I love it there, it's so relaxed and has a good vibe about it. Good people and good music.

I'll keep it short. I am going home on Sunday to Baaaanbury for the easter holidays although a week later I'll be trekking it down to Uckfield to Chris' place and then driving to Aachen, Germany with him, his brother and sister in law. A road trip will be a nice change. I've not been out of the country for years , it should be refeshing. Hopefully my passport will be sent to me in time too... uh oh... what are the chances hmm?

Anyway, I'm going to go catch the end of Rudetube and hopefully see more 25 stone ladies sit on sadassed men for money! Ahhh modern technology!

Ciao for now!


Monday, 22 March 2010

On a Roll...

Quick update for you hoes!
I'm currently working on drafts of my autobiography. I have three ideas in mind and because the word limit is only 3000 words I cannot fit my whole life into such a small bracket! If you could have a sneeky peek at my three ideas I'd really appreciate it and maybe comment on which one you think is a winner? It's really hard to look at your own life objectively.

1 - A diary of our family as we moved house (10 times in fact if you count my two uni houses)It will track how our family changed and will give you an insight into my family and houses as well as just me.

2 - Diary of a teaching assistant. This will be a piece on my year of working with the special kids at the Warriner School. Bloody loved this job. It will be more funny and anecdotes about the kids will be included.

3 - A piece on this year starting with the summer when everything went a bit tits up to be honest with you. Starting with my Dad moving out and leaving us. I then lost my house in Birmingham and moved in with my boyfriend. Everything with me is good now, but the parental situation has not sorted itself out. I'm not even sure where on earth my dad is. Because I'm still confused I'm not sure if it is a good idea to write about this. Is it too depressing? Should I leave it out of my autobiography all together? I cannot beleive I have to write this now at such a pivitol moment in my life which is still in motion.

Help! Your comments would be so muchly appreciated! I'm sure you guys also writing this for class are finding it a bit difficult. At least I hope you are so I don't feel so rotton!

Thanks you! There is a picture above of me enjoying the giant pork pie from Walsall previously discussed. Gosh it was YUMZERS!

Night night x

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Scruffy Buns and Pork Pies

What a beautiful day. It’s a shame I’ve only just had a shower and missed the best part of the sun! It’s been an eventful weekend, but not in a dramatic or bad way. We’ve just done lots and it has felt like longer than two days of relaxing. Friday night we went to the cinema which is something I’ve not done for ages. Mostly because as I scan the listings nothing ever takes my fancy. And just like buses, you wait ages for one and four come at once. There were four films I would have liked to see but we settled on the latest Martin Scorsese film starring Leonardo Dicaprio. It was a winner. From the trailer it looked like your average mental-hospital horror film and I felt like I could guess the plot. I was thrilled though when it turned out to be more of a fast-paced thriller with twists and turns and a bunch of good characters. It is much like Secret Window with Johnny Depp but as it was set in the early fifties, this film swings it for me because the costumes were fabulous and it all felt very glamorous, even the female nurses looked like stars! Good night.
Saturday day time we were in an adventurous mood, and not wanting to face the swarming crowds of Birmingham city centre on a Saturday afternoon we took the bus in the opposite direction and headed north for Walsall. We both had preconceptions of what it would be like because of things we’d heard. But as we arrived in the humid spring drizzle, we were both pleasantly surprised. It reminded me of Banbury with the canals and pedestrianised main roads. It was nice to see a local market in full swing too and Chris got roped into buying a giant pork pie. I knew he secretly wanted it; it was like carrying a small child around in a plastic bag all afternoon. (Which is not advised although you’d think it was according to recent investigations of rocketing numbers child neglect cases in Brum...). We came back from our travels with shampoo and conditioner from Poundland, and a giant pork pie. Quite a successful day, I think you’ll agree!

Saturday night Chris was doing live sound for a "charity" gig. You may notice my use of the word charity. I assumed it would be Sports Relief or helping poor countries get clean water (which doesn’t even interest me a huge amount if I’m being honest) but imagine my confusion when I found out that my £3 ticket was in fact a contribution towards a small, rosy cheeked, scruffy-bunned* girl’s travelling for the summer. Now let me explain because this makes me sound bitter and rather tight. We were at a pub in Selly Oak which is well known as a housing area for BCU but mainly the University of Birmingham students (boo hiss) and judging from the look of most of the students last night, I’m sure mummy and daddy could have paid for her travelling expenses. I just don’t like the idea of these brats not working to save up for their holiday. I know its only three quid but it’s the principal!
So here we are, Sunday morning. Chris had one pint too many which resulted in a rather gross head-down-toilet situation last night and so I think it’s going to be a lazy one today! Enjoy your Sunday! Ciao for now!

*Scruffy bun – also see ‘hoity toity’. A hair style which only posh horsey girls wear. It looks very thrown together at the last minute but has in fact taken A LOT of careful trussing and spritzing to acquire the scruffy look which is so sought after. Scruffy buns are everywhere. Once an Oxford tradition, it seems they have taken over small villages and even some market towns. These girls should be approached with caution. And preferably wearing jodhpurs and with a riding crop....

PS. Please have a look at Vievagen's art blog. The link is on the right hand side. Her artwork is fabulous and well worth a look at. Give her your support! Thank you


Thursday, 18 March 2010


Trying to do work. But you know no matter how hard you try it just isn't going to happen? That's where Hobnobs come in. Chocolate covered. Obviously! So only a quick post to say I LOVE HOBNOBS and I have dyed my hair purple. Rather like it.

Hope you are all having a productive day like me! Now I MUST run to the corner shop before I die!


Sunday, 14 March 2010

mammaaaa... oooh ooooh oohhhh

It’s been lovely today. My Mum and Kate came up to Birmingham to celebrate the fact that our mother is such a fabulous, beautiful person. I gave her a wind chime for the garden (to piss our snobby neighbours off) and Bee Movie (to piss Kate off). Only joking. Well half. Chortle. Kate and I also treated Mother dearest to a massage. It was her first one and she loved it. It made her all sleepy which was hilarious and her head was too big for the hole in the table (sorry Mum). Whilst waiting for her to finish we sat up in PrĂȘt on New Street which is my favourite peering spot. I sat up there for four hours once just watching people go by attempting to read. I only bought one cup of £1.20 tea which I think annoyed the staff a bit but what can you do? Anyway today a sight so unusual was seen that I believe it made me laugh and choke on my Earl Grey. A dog in a pram. I wish I was joking. This (grown up might I add) couple (obviously infertile) had a little red pram with a tiny fluffy corgi type dog sat in it. I’m not sure if they know that this is unacceptable behaviour but judging by their nonchalance at passers by sniggering I’m guessing that they really didn’t care. Oh people.
Mum was naughty today and treated me to this little wee handbag I’ve had my eye on for weeks in TK Maxx. You may be familiar with the rules of this shop: there are no rules. It’s like a bargain bucket. Sometimes they only have one of something and you have to use your greasy little fingers to grab at the juicy find. And I did grab today. I love it; it’s a little orange leather bag with a corsage on the front. I’m not really selling it to you am I? Anyway I LOVE it. We stuffed our faces at Around the World in 80 Dishes on Broad St. A buffet is always a winner with me. Unlimited food you say? I’m there. For a tenner at lunchtime you can try and kill yourself with food consumption. Some buffets are manky but because it’s unlimited you feel the need to keep eating the undercooked potatoes and sticky noodles, but not here. You have to choose VERY carefully about what you choose to eat. It’s a very mathematical procedure combining your hunger levels, stomach capacity and the time it takes your stomach to realise you’re full (twenty minutes for anyone who cares). You DO NOT fill up on unnecessary starters such as bread. You must decide whether you really want the lasagne. That is a lot of filling carbs. If you must, take a small slice and eat it quickly. The curry is a great dish but can make you feel bloated; this must be saved until last. This method can be tailored to your specific needs and will ensure you succeed in getting your money’s worth and you can try a bit of everything.
Do visit sometime you wont be disappointed! (No I don’t work there; I just genuinely love this place.)
Hope you have had a relaxing evening and you’re ready for the week ahead!
Bye bye!

Saturday, 13 March 2010

The Notebook

Along with my penchant for smellies it appears I also have another weakness: notebooks. I bought another one yesterday; it’s all silky and has butterflies on it. It’s even got its own ribbon book mark with a little metal butterfly so you can keep your page handy. It’s lovely! I keep buying notebooks but not because I run out of space in the old ones, oh no. It’s just because they’re nice and pretty. I’ve got THE most beautiful notebook sat on my desk. It was a present from Chris to encourage me to write more. He is so supportive. It was made in India with sequins and silk with lovely glossy thick paper. This too is practically blank. I always find the first pages in a notebook the hardest to write. I feel pressure for it to be a masterpiece. In order to break this trend today I simply wrote my shopping list on the first page of my new notebook. Now I feel I can jot and scribble as much as I please without feeling a disappointment as I realise what I have written is rubbish. It’s never rubbish, it’s just notes! Ahhh the relief, I am so glad I did it!
On another note, I have finished Belle De Jour. How is it that when reading for pleasure (a hobby I’ve have almost forgotten as an English degree student) I can finish a book within a week? But when I am requested by a lecturer to finish a book in two weeks I can’t. It is impossible! Sometimes I find myself actually enjoying the books on my reading list. But can I finish them? Not on your nelly. In case you were wondering I highly recommend little Belle (not to you Mum). It’s pure filth and it feel like you’re reading someone’s diary and you get to hear all of her gossip, which I suppose you are. It’s funny, insightful and highly voyeuristic. Who knows, maybe my blog will be published and turned into an ITV drama series. I’m hoping they’d find someone a little less ridged to play me, unlike Billie Piper who was chosen as Belle. Perhaps Scarlett Johansson? Wishful thinking, I guess Jo Brand would be more apt.
Must get some sleep, I have ordered my mother and wee sis to arrive early to Birmingham tomorrow so we can get a full day of mother-daughter loveliness in!

Goodnight! x

Friday, 12 March 2010


Well today was a weird day. Grey weather and grey moods. It could because I drank a lot of cider last night and I’m tired but I just am not feeling myself today. I had such a fun day yesterday belly dancing and chilling down the pub but today is just grey. I’m sat in an empty house eating something which cannot be named. Not because it’s naughty but because I’ve managed to make something that doesn’t resemble any thing I’ve ever eaten before. I took chopped pork, onion and chick peas whacked them all together and voila! It started out as a casserole but got too thick. So I tried to turn it into a curry but the sauce sunk into the chick peas or something and now its like pork and chick peas all stuck together in a lump which is a little too salty and weirdly spicy. I’ve literally just spilt it everywhere too trying to jab at a piece of rubbery pork. Yum, wish you were here? Well on the up side it’s the weekend now. I’m really looking forward to mother’s day and chilling out on the Sunday with me ma and Katie. That is always nice. I’ve got a surprise for her too, but unfortunately cannot divulge that information because the little minx reads this blog! (Hi Mum!)
I wish ye all a fun weekend, and don’t forget to send your Mum a card because it might just make her day. (Unless she’s a cow in which case don’t bother...)

Bye for now ! x

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Sun shine, lollipops...

So I saw a man in a pair of wooden yellow clogs today. In Birmingham. And I’m sure he wasn’t wearing them ironically. He was also wearing THE most disgusting fleece I have ever set eyes on. (See picture)After such a gross lunch I could feel the bile rising in my stomach and my eyes started to ache. He wasn’t homeless or ‘special’ so it’s not like I’m taking the piss out of some poor blind, mentally ill homeless guy who has nothing but a pair of yellow clogs to his name. He was also holding a big scary black dog on a leash which added to this bizarre image. The fact that they were actually made of wood just heightened my curiosity. It was pretty much a chicken-run situation. I wanted to get close enough to check that yes, in fact the clogs were made of wood, but without being mauled to death by his huge pet. I think maybe being a ‘dog person’ helped and I managed to get near to this strange bloke long enough to confirm my suspicions.
Apart from that incident, today has been a most fabulous, if not totally freezing day. I went to town with my fabulous thirties friend (she’s not in her thirties, she likes the thirties era....) for a shop around town and came across the cutest little accessories shop in a hidden away place in the centre. Now in Brum, it’s really hard to find unique things to wear at a reasonable price. Added to the fact that there was this little place stuffed to the ceiling with cheapish unique accessories was the shop assistant. The cutest little Chinese woman EVER invented. I do love the Chinese I have a weak spot for them and I would like one for Christmas. I met a girl recently and we exchanged numbers to hang out some time, but imagine my disappointment when I found out she was actually Indonesian. Will I ever find my Chinese friend? Anyways, this lady was SO unbelievably happy. She chatted to us for ages about nonsense and when ‘Walking on Sunshine’ came on in the store she started bopping along and telling us how happy this song made her. Just when we thought she had beaten the previous record for displays of human happiness... Any who I bought a lovely creamy headband with a corsage on for 3quid for anyone that cares!
Today has been a lovely, girly, vanillary day and the sun has just decided to poke its weary head out as if he feels likes he’s missed out on the fun. Don’t worry sun, there is plenty left for tomorrow!

Bye bye sunshines x

Monday, 8 March 2010

secret diary of a lunatic

I am such a girl. I realised this when I just got in and flung my giant bar of caramel Galaxy on top of my new Belle de Jour books (I bought both). After catching a snippet of ‘Secret Diary of Call Girl’ on ITV the other night I fancied them as a bit of light evening reading despite Billie Piper’s hideous face and voice ruining the programme for me. Anyway I’ll see how long it takes for them to collect dust and mouse droppings. I’d give it a few weeks.
Yesterday I downloaded the i-tunes software (not because I have an i-pod or anything of the sort; I just wanted to listen to the free radio stations on my tooter). Little did I know that they would ALL be American radio stations. They’re absolutely hilarious. Who thought you could have a whole station dedicated to banjos? There is also a 24 hour Britney station which is just well, fantastic news if you like Britney and her more shall we say, obscure songs. I swear to God I listened to a few songs in a row (What? I don’t need to justify myself to you...) and I didn’t recognise one song! Gutted. No hitting her baby one more time, no pieces of her. The jingles in between the songs made up for my disappointment. Oh dear god, they are brilliant! They go on for about 4 minutes just repeating the radio station name about twenty times in different styles. I particularly liked the one incorporating a banjo. Such an underrated instrument.
I hope you appreciate this blog, it has taken me twenty minutes to log into my account. Piece of crap computer (I refuse to get a laptop) is obviously messing with my head again. “Oh it’s Becky, lets pretend she never signed up to Google mail just for a laugh” well Mr Computer, the joke is on you when you’re crying at the rubbish tip with unwanted washing machines and old bicycles. I hate hate HATE technology and I think it’s mutual. I know it’s such an elderly, eating-Rich-Tea-biscuits-thing to say but I’ve tried everything, digital camera, matching printer, the newest mobile phones and mp3 players and they are SO boring. I don’t want to listen to music whilst I’m walking somewhere or on the bus, I want to hear what’s going on around me. I find it weird that people have their little bubble of music as if it separates them from the outside world. Well I do understand it, its just I’m too nosy for all that. When I did have an mp3 player, I only had one earphone in so I could still hear people’s conversations because I hate missing out on gossip! Anyway I broke that by plugging it in the wrong hole in the computer or something. I never used my camera or printer. I’m not one for getting in people’s faces to take pics and show facebook what a fabulous time I had at the same nightclub I go to every weekend because if they matter, I will tell them how good it was. Or they were there. Now, phones... I broke my last one by throwing it at a wall (that’s another story) so now I have my housemate’s old one with three missing buttons and a broken camera. It’s pink though so not all is lost.
NO WORD OF A LIE; my computer just made a crazy alarm sound like I broke into the safe at NatWest and said I have a virus. Talk about bad timing, I bet it’s seen what I wrote about the rubbish tip.... I better go before I burst a vein or something.

Ta for now cyberettes!

Friday, 5 March 2010

Oh Bligey Blige

The sun is shining, I've had a cheese and pickle sandwich and I’m listening to my favourite Mary J Blige. What more could I want? I'm actually enjoying my assignment! This is the golden nugget in my coal mine of a life. Christ, what a terrible metaphor! I didn't think I'd ever enjoy academic writing. And I think that's the difference, it aint academic folks! I'm writing a biography on Marian Keyes <3 who I absolutely love. Not only does she write some of most engaging, hilarious literature for women (and men who are inclined that way, lets not discriminate Becky...) but she is also a long term sufferer of alcoholism and bi-polar depression. Poor little Irish imp! It seems that most writers are a bit nutty (in the nicest possible way). Maybe it's something about being the kind of person that can sit at a computer in a dark room for days writing that means you've got to be a bit loopy lou to cope in those conditions. I'd love to be a writer but I feel like I'm not interesting enough! I've not had a 'traumatic childhood incident' or an eating disorder, alcoholism or depression. Well I know I’m just shy of 21 so there is always time I suppose! In fact I'm kind of waiting for something to happen which turns me into the introvert, scholarly, interesting type I yearn to be. Mind you, no one likes those kinds of people do they? How on earth do they sell books when all they do is drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and look interesting in Starbucks with their shiny new edition of a novel translated from a very French ‘Avant Garde’ writer? I know people love to act academic but inside their copy of the Independent is this month’s latest instalment of Cosmopolitan. Or is that just me?

Maybe it's a rumour. I think maybe people think that writers have to be pretentious and into the silliest things, but i know a couple of writers and they are anything but. They're some of the lovliest people I've met and so down to earth. They must be, otherwise no one would like them, then no one would buy their books surely? I've come to the conclusion that it is only 'wannabe writers' who behave in such an irritating manner and that the people out there writing and selling the kind of book I enjoy are normal people with their feet firmly planted onto Earth.

I don’t see anything wrong with not being into ‘high art’ or the latest trend. If you genuinely enjoy it then of course, that is okay (just). But why pretend you’re so into cool old rock bands when really you go home and listen to Rhianna and the Dreamgirls soundtrack (again, probably just me). I went through that phase at school. I nodded along at how cool bands were and went to silly little gigs and pretended to enjoy the noise raping my ear drums with a cactus but when I went home, all I wanted was Christina Aguilera! After leaving school, being honest about my tastes was a lot easier. Now, as an adult, people’s cute little quirks like loving David Attenborough’s documentaries and being into Neil Diamond is acceptable and sweet. It’s almost gone crazy and the other extreme with people, they try to be interesting by being into ‘unusual’ things. But I’m really not going to pretend enjoy Attenborough or show an overenthusiastic love for post war jazz because it makes me look quirky.

ClichĂ© as it is, you’ve just got to do what you like and be who you are. I get annoyed because I float through life pretty carelessly not really analysing myself too much and just doing ‘what I feel’. I’m pretty happy so if you find yourself pretending or laughing along with a knob as they talk about the obvious humour behind the latest film about Hitler ‘Gosh it’s just so post-modern, pre humanistic ironically hilarious don’t you think?!” There’s nothing wrong with not getting it. In fact there’s nowt wrong with not laughing. It might be funnier if you didn’t!
Not quite sure how I ended up giving a lecture of how to live your life. How peculiar. Well don’t listen to me, I’m currently listening Dizzy Rascal in a tea-stained hoodie whilst picking my toe nails what the hell do I know??!
Ciao Bellas!

Thursday, 4 March 2010

purse strings & vouchers...

An article in a glossy magazine yesterday struck a chord with me. 23 year old Tina is a reformed shopping addict. She ended up with 10 credit and store cards, maxed them all out and ended up owing £50,000. That is a lot of dough... It's scary how readily available 'monopoly' money is these days. If you can’t afford something you can just get it bought on plastic until the card melts under the pressure.
I think it’s down to how our identity is formed in our current society. It seems to be a consumer-driven world and it is down to the style and cost of things that you consume which defines you. Why do you think kids refuse to take a Tesco’s carrier bag to school carrying their P.E kit because it’s embarrassing? It is important where you buy your sofa, which beauty products you use, the car you drive. I know this has always been an issue even fifty years ago because it defined your wealth and class, but now it seems to shape everyone and every part of a person. And now, everybody can have a slice of that bulging pie of greedy hogginess.
I hasten to add that I don’t exclude myself from this ‘mass analysis’. I love spending money. I could literally feel the adrenaline pumping through my hungry veins the day my bursary went into my bank account. My brain scrambled thinking of what I could buy after months of being a wee bit on the poor side. The university had given me £500, I could rule the world! So I bought soaps. As you may have figured out from previous blogging action, I love soaps! I didn’t overdo it though; there was a sale in boots on my favourite range. One third off! How can a girl resist? I also had a £5 voucher for the No* 7 range so obviously that was burning a hole in my pocket so it went towards a beautiful new moisturiser. I’m aware that in my last blog which spoke about my uncontrollable urge to buy smelly things that I stated I had gotten over my obsession. I’m obviously in denial (as an addictions counsellor would tell me through her patronising glare). But you know what, I don’t care. Yes it does worry me that I can identify with what young Tina was saying in her report and I knew what she meant when she spoke about counting down the minutes after work so she could run to the shops and buy something and the feeling of emptiness as she walked home with no shopping bags. I feel the same. The only difference is, is that I don’t feel like I want to sign up for credit cards and spend all of that imaginary money. She was buying Gucci cocktail dresses (although she had no fancy parties to go to) and shoes which cost up to £500. This, I would never do as a girl who loves nothing more than flaunting her student discount card in Peacocks on a Saturday afternoon for a 20% discount on clothes that are already cheap enough. Maybe I have a small-scale addiction, but it is something I feel is under control and after all, I do use the things I buy. Unlike Tina who never touched her glamorous purchases. Does it sound like I’m trying to convince you or myself here?
Anyway on that note, I’m off to scrub and spritz myself because I can because I have a cabinet full of new shiny bottles!

Ta for now!

Monday, 1 March 2010

Disco balls and money down the drain.

Saturday night I went back to Banbury, my home town for a friend's birthday. Since having a baby some months ago, she has found out who her real friends are. No one turned up from our old college gang apart from me. It was us two and her friend from across the road, Ange who turned out to be very nice indeed! We decided to take ourselves back to when we were seventeen and used to sneak past the big fat bouncers into the only night-club in the town. We always had a blast. We literally went out to dance. We didn't over do the alcohol (sorry to disappoint) we genuinely loved the music and would be dancing from half eight until three in the morning. Us two had the most fun and I look back with fond memories. Saturday night however didn't turn out like our nights four years ago. In fact it ended at 12:00 midnight. No, Tara didn't turn into a pumpkin, she was exhausted. Who knew it; apparently having babies makes you sleepy! Speaking of babies, that sums up the clientele at the night club. Never have I felt so old. I know people reading this who are older than me probably want to kick me right now but I felt ancient! It was full of kids aged about 15 (which wasn't good as this probably meant I would bump into a few ex-year 11 kids I used to be a teaching assistant for on my gap year) So we scarpered! If I'm honest I'd have preferred to stay in with some drinks and watched a couple of films. I'm not sure when I turned into this granny but I don't like it!


Below is a link to an article I'd like you to peek at. If, like me it made your head explode in a flurry of rage LETS START A REVOLUTION! Daymn us students aint what they used to be! I feel as if I cannot believe my eyes. 450% more university lecturers are taking home six figure salaries? They are setting up a gold-plated pension scheme? And this is why our tuition fees are astronomical? I'm frigging seething. I can't be the only one who thinks that I could be getting a better deal out of uni surely? I'm in for SEVEN hours a week. I can't bloody believe it. I know a lot of hours should be self-study time but really? SEVEN? Maybe it's BCU but I don't feel like university is making me into a fabulous scholar fit to quote Shakespeare and Keats at dinner parties. I like it sure, but it isn't worth the three grand a year in my opinion. To add insult to injury, one of my lecturers is leaving in March. Leaving us without lectures and with a nice juicy essay to complete ourselves. How's that for motivation? Oh, but don't worry, she's leaving her email account open so we can ask questions. BECAUSE THAT'S THE SAME AS TEACHING ISN'T IT? I'm not blaming her; why haven’t the university managed to find a replacement? What exactly am I paying for? Am I entitled to a refund???? I thought degrees were important. That’s why I flipping want one; I want to go through life waving my piece of paper around so it makes finding a decent job a tiny bit easier. But damn is it going to sting because it seems like at the moment I am paying for a very, very expensive £9000 certificate. That writing better be gold plated, or do they just save that for the pensions?