Marian Keyes reckons that there are three types of women : Shoe women, bath products women and nice underwear women. I am definately a bath-product-make-up-creams-lotions-and-potions-fanatic. Its been an ongoing obsession from an early age. Instead of playing outside I wanted to paint my tiny stubby nails with pink glittery laquer. This continued onto a rather disasterous stint with hair dye resulting in accidental gingerness and also a phase of turquoise. As I realised that all this bodily tweaking made me look a bit of a... well twat, I investigated improving myself not by painting myself with war-colours but by using "natural remedies" and pouring sniffly smelly creams all over me at every oppertunity. I think I half convinced myself that I saw a difference and I really believed in the the products. I would read reviews and knew exactly which extracts cured what complaint. I still cannot live without my Carmex lipbalm and I phisically panic if I think I've lost it. The trouble is that my lips have become so used to having this balm slavered on every hour that without it, they chap instantly as in a rebellion against my insensitive forgetfulness.
It was my stint working for a make-up brand at a department store that turned me into the more level headed person I am today. I realised what a bloody con it was and that I thought that the old mingers I'd given make-overs to didn't need the layers of slap and that growing old gracefully counts for a lot. I enjoyed the job and working with people to boost their self esteem was fab but in reality I felt like a fraud. I was given a script to read from; they had to clutch at straws to sell their products because they didn't really hold any true benefits and I had to pretend every day that people looked great when they didn't. I tried being honest (in the nicest way) but it got me into trouble when I said an older lady with great skin didnt need the foundation, even at her age. I was punished for being honest... gah! So a little peek at the inside of the cosmetics buisness put me right off. I still wear make-up but I can see through the glittering advertising campaigns and celeb-endorsed products and probably save myself a bucket load!
I then became obsessed with Lush. I spent a bloody fortune at that place (the money I'd saved from overcoming my make-up addiction) and I knew that really, I couldnt see or feel a difference with the products in a longterm kinda way but the smell was just addictive! I cannot walk past without buying a scrub or a body-butter even though I've already got a bathroom full of the stuff! It is fab but I'm not so keen on all of the tree-hugging emotional blackmail I endure from the staff and customers in particular. I am all for not testing products on animals and I really believe that there is no excuse for doing so, but to be harsh there are bigger things to wet your pants over.
I've learnt alot and with my 10 years of experince in this field I feel that there cannot possibley be anything I don't know about powdering's one self. I am almost ashamed, especially as I'm currently taking a feminism class and I feel like I cant express my views of girly things for fear of being chastised! Well I got over it pretty quickly as I realised what a load of fanny feminsim is...
So, if you need advice on your uncontrollable hair, spotty nose or cellulitely thighs, I can tell you the truth - buy all of these lovely smelling products because they genuinely DO make you feel better about yourself. But, in the long run its exactly what your mother said which unfortunately speaks volumes of truth. "More excersise and less stuffing one's face". It's simple maths but easier said than done! So in the meantime, head down to Smellysville, grab yourself some treats and scrub yourself silly because you deserve it!
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