Sneaking and a peeking

I like to consider myself rather good at sneaking and peeking at the best of times. And so with my ears wide open I decided to listen to to the native tribes of Perry Barr in all their glory at the watering hole that is ONE STOP SHOPPING CENTRE. With treasures to be found on every corner it was bound to get the locals very excited indeed. With the recent opening of the alcoholic's favourite Weatherspoons making an appearance the thrills and giddiness could be heard a mile away. One couple however were not partaking in this flourish of double-whisky-at-11am-and-Poundstretcher-sale-delerium. They were browsing in Holland and Barratt. Now, this initially does not seem out of the ordinary but, for this breed of human their actions were most out of character. No, they had no fallen into the vortex of the health food shop by accident and missed the turning for Burger King, they were walking with gusto up and down the dried fruit and health food isle looking with a hungry tear in their eye at the number of calories in each packet of dried apricots and Agogo berries. The male of the pack was obviously disinterested as the female called out each number in her mind-numbing Birmingham accent. "Three hundred and forty five.... Three hundred and eighty nine...." and so on. The males eyes yearned for a Burger King value meal, he could taste it wafting in through the doors carried by the February breeze. But, she persisted. It was obvious that all of these bags of exotic berries and nuts contained more calories that a king size Mars Bar and when her partner huffed his last puff of exhaustion she decided on the bag of prunes. "They might have more calories than my multi pack of Quavers but at least they'll be coming out as quick as they're going in!" She pronounced with a tone of pride at how clever she had been to spot this excellent method of weight loss.

I am certain to see her around again and I will report to you if any inches have been lost.